Something’s Got Grissom’s Goat
by Lalenna
Summary: Umm...very funny, very wierd..written by a friend of mine and very anti GSR!
1. A Barnyard Tale

Title: Something's Got Grissom's Goat

Disclaimer: CSI belongs to CBS and all that lot.

A/N: Okay this was written by one of my best mates who was trying to be my 'inspiration' as I wrote a GSR fic (Not myusual of fic but I had no choice, believe me) anyways after a bit of a nudge from her she endedup writing this...It's weird, funny, mad and basically just like my mate. Anywayz...enjoy and review...all reviews will be passed on and this is her first fic full stop so if Im to convince her to do more lot and lots of reviews ppl!

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Sara turned to look at the door for the fiftieth time that evening – she was sat, alone, in the corner of a restaurant waiting for her date to turn up. This was the third time this week she'd been stood up, by her own boyfriend. Fed up with the pitying glances from the waiters and the glares of the rest of the diners, she left, trying not to attract too much attention to herself.

Naturally, she was slightly angry so as she wandered aimlessly down the street, she was silently cursing Grissom, and making her plans to finish with him, once and for all. He'd been acting oddly for a few weeks now and she just couldn't think why. He'd arrange to meet up with her, to go out to dinner and then not turn up. When she'd seen him at work he'd pretty much ignored her, and then dashed off on his lunch break to places unknown. She'd given him plenty of chances, and enough was enough. Of course, she'd just have to find him first to tell him so.

She finally got back to her house, after an uneventful walk home (well, if you don't count the falling in a pothole, the tramp with the inflatable banjo and Happy Ed the Used Car Salesman…), and kicked off her shoes and went to bed, resolving to call him in the morning.

She woke up the next morning to a beautiful day, sun shining, birds singing, poodles poodling - or whatever it is they do. It seemed a shame to spoil such a lovely day by finishing with her boyfriend but it had to be done. She picked up the phone and dialled his number.

"Gil"  
"Oh.. Sara.. hi.."  
"Where the hell were you last night? I waited for 2 HOURS, do you have any idea how embarrassing it is, being stood up!"  
"Listen, I'll call you back, something's come up"  
And he hung up.

Fuming, she pulled on her shoes and set off to his place. Never quite figured how stilettos and pyjamas went together, but somehow she pulled it off. After a long and painful walk (why didn't she take the car? Why?), made longer than usual because she forgot the way and had to take directions off a passing sheep, she arrived at his house.

Clattering her way up his drive, she noticed a few things out of the ordinary… there was a stack of magazines by the bin: "Goat Lovers Monthly" "My Goat and Me" and "Goat Express". She hadn't noticed he had a liking for goats before, OK, he had his quirks, but there were definitely no goat-shaped quirks. Secondly, there was a trough of water on the front lawn. He'd always said he wanted a swimming pool but he wasn't _that _strapped for cash, was he? The third unusual thing was the small orange penguin that seemed to have taken residence underneath the front step, which actually bears no relation to the plot of this story whatsoever, but penguins have feelings too.

Finally reaching the front door after the never-ending driveway (well, it seemed like it, there was a lot to take in on the way, and it didn't help that Happy Ed turned up again… when would he learn that she didn't want to buy a used car?) she hammered on it, yelling "GIL GRISSOM!" because, obviously, that is his name. She could have yelled "I'M A TAPDANCING LLAMA" but that wouldn't quite have the desired effect. The effect being Grissom opening the door, that is. Anyhow, he opened the door looking rather sheepish (being decked out head to toe in cotton wool added to the look) and said "I said I'd call you".  
"Well tough, I'm here now… and why the hell are you covered with cotton wool?" she replied angrily.  
"Oh this? It's nothing... uhm… new fashion trend.. from..uh..somewhere.."  
Sara didn't have the time to hang around making small talk, she came here to finish with him and that was all. Plus, she'd left the oven on.  
"OK Gil, what's going on? You ignore me, you stand me up, and now you're covered in cotton wool…"  
"Ah.. well I guess there's no easy way to say this but.. I've met someone else..."  
"YOU WHAT?"  
"Well, some_thing_ to be more precise"  
Hundreds of thoughts ran through Sara's head. _Something else? Had Grissom gone one step too far and fallen for an inanimate object? Had she really left the oven on? Why didn't he just tell her instead of leading her on for the past few weeks? And what in the name of arse was Happy Ed doing stood there taking notes?  
_"Sara… who's that guy?" Grissom pointed at Happy Ed.  
"I have no idea…but stop trying to change the subject, what do you mean, some_thing_?"  
"Well, maybe I should introduce you"  
Puzzled, Sara stepped inside. His whole house had changed. There was hay everywhere, and she could hear a distinct bleating coming from the front room.  
"I'd like you to meet…. Dorothy"  
Sara somehow knew that she wouldn't like what was coming next (mainly because Happy Ed went in before her, and was now stood by the door going "Oh my God, you are _not _going to like this!") but nothing could prepare her for..  
"A GOAT!"  
"Isn't she great?"  
"You're leaving me, for a goat?"  
"Well, she's not just any goat! She's intelligent, she has feelings, and before you ask, no there isn't any funny business going on, she's saving herself for marriage"  
Stunned, Sara turned to go out of the room.  
"Hey, where are you going? Can we still be friends? I mean, you can come over to dinner any time you like! In fact Dorothy's having her ex, Billy, round tomorrow, we can make it work!"  
"I have nothing more to say to you," Sara said to Grissom "Or you, Happy Ed, why the hell are you following me? GO AWAY".  
As she walked away from the house, still slowly and painfully, as the pyjama/stilettos combo wasn't quite working out, more thoughts ran through her head… _Why a goat? Why not another woman, that would be easier to take in! Now was it the oven or the iron she'd left on? Why did Happy Ed just ride past on a camel shouting "FREE THE HEDGHOGS!"?. _She was so absorbed in these thoughts that she didn't quite notice where she was going, until she found herself at Greg's front door. He opened the door, looking concerned  
"Hey, what's wrong?"  
"OK well, I got stood up last night, Grissom's ran off with a goat, Happy Ed the Used Car Salesman is stalking me, I'm walking the streets in stilettos and pyjamas and I really do think I've left the oven on!"  
"Oh," said Greg "I guess you'd better come in for coffee then…"

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	2. Lets Hope Penguins Bouce!

**Title:** Lets Hope Penguins Bouce!

**Disclaimer:** CSI…Blah blah blah…CBS…Blah blah blah…not mine…Blah blah blah. You should get the picture by now

**A/N:** I know sequels aren't as good as the originals, but I tried, and this is what my tiny little mind came up with, Enjoy :D

PPS. danke for my lovely reviews on the last one

PPPS. That is all

PPPPS. I am a toaster

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Authors friends note: Didn't I tell ya she was insane?…Please review…if ya do might convince her to write more!

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**Something's Got Grissom's Goat Teil Zwei **

So, where were we? Ah yes, Greg's apartment…

Sara had somehow managed to get herself over to the sofa, as she was still in a state of shock, after all, wouldn't you be if you found your boyfriend with a goat? She'd managed to lose a stiletto on the way, and having to drink all 15 cups of coffee Greg had given her since coming through the door and getting to the living room, meant she was walking with a limp and was on a jittery caffeine high.

"Now are you sure you're alright? You don't want some coffee?" Greg asked; another cup in his hand. How did he get it so fast? Did it come out of his ears or what?

"DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED MORE BLOODY COFFEE?" Sara yelled, complete with a twitch.

"Er… maybe not…" Greg looked slightly offended on behalf of his coffee. The coffee, however, didn't give a toss. "How about some wine?"

Sara gave him a look. It was one of those I-really-need-someone-to-talk-to-so-sit-down-shut-the-hell-up-and-LISTEN! Looks.

"Wow Sara, how'd you manage to fit all those words in with one look?"

"Meh, woman's gift" Sara shrugged and turned her mind to more important matters, such as solving the mystery of the oven, and whether it _was _actually switched on or not.

Greg came and sat beside Sara on the sofa. "Ok, start from the beginning, tell me everything"

Once Sara had started, she couldn't stop. She told him everything, from being stood up, to finding Grissom with Dorothy the goat, her last trip to the dentist, the fact there was no fresh avocado left when she went shopping, and Happy Ed the Used Car Salesman stalking her. But thank God he'd lost the camel!

"Oh, it sounds like you had a pretty crap day, come here" Greg motioned her towards him and drew her into a hug. "It'll get better, I promise."

Sara turned to look up at him, somehow he looked _different_, but she couldn't quite think of how. Was she finally seeing him in a different light? Or did she not have her glasses on? Did she even wear glasses?

However, with classic timing, the doorbell went, making them both snap out of their moment pretty sharpish.

"Uh..yeah..the doorbell. I'll get it shall I?"

"Well it's your apartment, see, you wrote it on the wall" Sara indicated to a scribble on the wall in red crayon saying 'Greg's Apartment'.

"Oh aye." And with that, Greg went to open the door, to reveal none other than…

(go on, have a guess… and I'll give you a clue, it _wasn't _Axl Rose asking if he wanted to join the new Guns N Roses line up.. although that would be pretty cool… leather, anyone?)

Anyway, where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself… yes.. it was none other than…

GRISSOM!

(Ta-da!)

"GRISSOM?"

"You look surprised to see me, Greg, is something amiss?"

"No no, nothing's amiss" Greg lied, choosing not to comment on fact that Grissom was in fact on the back of a horse drawn chariot, in full Roman battle dress. And a feather boa. Why not?

Sara appeared behind Greg at the door. (In a puff of purple smoke, I might add).

"Gil, why are you here?"

"Uh...I need to talk to you…"

"Woah woah woah," Greg butted in, "How in the hell do you know where I live?"

"Well, there were two kids heading this way… they left a trail of breadcrumbs so I followed it. They went into the gingerbread house next door..."

Greg was puzzled… a gingerbread house? He looked out of the window and sure enough, there was a house made of gingerbread, candy cane fence and all. How come he hadn't noticed it before? Who knows? You'd better ask Greg. Or better yet, ask his optician.

Anyhow, Sara had decided she was going to be strong.  
"I'm not taking you back… you left me for a goat! I mean, I wouldn't be able to trust you! What if we went on a trip to a farm? I'd never get you to leave!" Plus, she was quite happy staying here with Greg, although she wasn't about to tell _him_ that.

"Oh no, me and Dorothy are getting along like a barn on fire! I just wanted to know if you could somehow get _this _guy to get off my lawn" Grissom said, and he pushed Happy Ed towards the door.

Once again, a flurry of thoughts went through Sara's mind... _The cheek of it! Coming all this way, just to tell her that! Who does he think he is…is cheese really a kind of mould? Woooah…. _

While Sara was stood there having these thoughts, Greg thought it would be best to step in, as it looked like she was going to be there for a while.

"Gil, look, Sara's really upset right now, why don't you come back later?"

They both turned to look at Sara, who still had a blank expression on her face (still having her flurry of thoughts, it seems). She didn't look upset as such, just brain-dead.

"Greg? Is she still with us?"

"I don't know," Greg poked her arm. No reaction. "Woooah that's crazy!"

After spending some time poking her with a frozen trout, getting Happy Ed to dance the bolero, and even going as far as to chuck a bucket of Spaghetti Bolognese over her, she finally snapped out of it.

"Huh, what? Why is there spaghetti in my hair?"

Greg and Grissom looked at each other.  
"Never mind" they both said, at once.

Then, they all stood there in silence while I think of what happens next. Meanwhile, that orange penguin from Chapter One rolled across the floor like a piece of tumbleweed. Well, it rolled until it unfortunately got to the top of the stairs… let's hope penguins bounce eh?

"Anyway," started Grissom "This guy has been holding a sit in on my lawn since you left, get rid of him!"

"He's not my property, Gil, in fact I don't even know who the hell he is!" said Sara. She turned to Happy Ed: "Who in the name of arse _are _you?"

"Read the name badge, darling" Happy Ed retorted before skipping off down the stairs.

"Well I don't think any of us expected _that" _Grissom said, staring after him.

"OK, he's gone now; do you have anything else to say?" Greg questioned.

"Yeah, why is Sara here anyway? We haven't been broken up two minutes and she comes running here to you? That's pathetic!"

"Oh yeah, that's fine talk from someone who left a great girl like her for a BLOODY GOAT! What's next? Going to go down the pond and look for some ducks?"

"Or does this penguin take your fancy?" Happy Ed had popped up again, "I found it at the bottom of the stairs…"

Greg just gave him a look, one of those I'm-about-to-beat-the-crap-out-of-something-in-a-minute-and-it'll-be-you-if-you-don't-go-away looks.

"That was a pretty good look you gave there, Greg, you're learning well!" A tear came to Sara's eye. She had taught him well, they grow up so fast and all that jazz.

Grissom noticed that Greg had rolled his sleeves up, his face was red and there was steam coming from his ears. Then he took a closer look and realised it was the kettle boiling behind him. But still, it added to the effect.

"Looking for a fight? Ha, well you're not going to get one! AWAY QUICKSILVER, AWAY!"

And with that, Grissom and his chariot were gone.

I wish the same could be said for Happy Ed, but alas he lives to annoy another day. At least he has the penguin for company now, even if it does bear no relation to the plot whatsoever. But then again, does anything in this story?

While all this had been going on, Sara had been stood watching Greg get all angry on her behalf. She felt, well, she didn't know how she felt… for some reason she was pleased that he was standing up for her…again she thought, was she somehow seeing him in a different light?

No, wait, Grissom had taken the light bulb in the hall out with his mad chariot exit.

"Ah well, at least he's gone, I suppose" Greg sighed. "More coffee?"

Sara turned to look him straight in the eye.

"Definitely"

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Hit the button...you know you want to...


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